The term bad behavior is a Pandora box in itself and encompasses loads of stuff like the small innocuous ones of being jealous , angry, careless of their stuff, ill-managed about their belongings, sibling rivalry etc to some really big and obnoxious ones like using expletives, stealing, bullying, lying, peer pressure inspired foul language & shallow behaviors and attitudes, irresponsible actions – drinking, smoking, doing drugs, befriending and meeting up with strangers on online platforms, acting vain, etc and believe me the list is huge…
As a parent these might seem daunting enough but instead of exploring them individually, I want to explore it on the whole as I believe that there are a few things that if implemented as rules or family culture would certainly build a consensus and give space enough for all in the unit to live according to their individual likings, tastes and aspirations but in a cohesive manner.
While there is little a parent can do to prevent their kids from influences especially negative ones coming from the social circle of their kids, yet they can always build up the counter effect by pumping up the power of positive inputs at home and influences to have a balancing effect.
A few reasons that I have been able to understand regarding unreasonable behaviors in kids are:
- A DOMINATING PARENTING STYLE: To maintain a healthy Family environment scale, we need to be promoting discussions and involve kids in decisions about them. It not about promoting your pre conceived ideas and notions but to build consensus to reach a mutually agreeable decision to the problems in hand. A dominant style hinders is one sided and thus resented that later culminates into rebellion. An overly pampering and lenient parenting has its own demerits too. A parent needs to choose a middle path that is a balanced mix of the two.
- SUPPRESSING THEIR NEEDS OR IGNORING THEIR DEMANDS POINT BLANK: Kids today have access and exposure to so many groups / platforms and are fully aware of the latest in different fields. Instead of expecting them to be a follower in today’s era of being leaders, let’s be reasonable and open about their demands, help them see things, situations and people in right perspectives rather than simply using coercion or power-play games.
- INFLUENCES AROUND THEM: While there is no dearth of television programs showing scheming, power plays, criminal tendencies blatantly, the kids are flooded with conflicting emotions and responses to various day- to-day situations and going by their own limited judgements and lack an over- busy parents or guardians, they are bound to falter.
- IDENTITY FORMATION STAGE: Lots of kids with low self esteem and below average self concept are easily swayed by peers and their pressures. They seek to look great, dress like celebrities or like film stars, etc that occupy big space in our national dailies. With immature systems, they are not able to see beyond their fashionable looks and dresses and get into a vicious cycle of a shallow identity while some find solace in being overly in brands, others might get a step further and indulge in behaviours or substances forbidden for their age.
- LACK OF REAL TIME ROLE MODELS: With the family getting nuclear, the guiding angels in a child’s life are very less and too distant to guide and come to their rescue when needed. Also Double income parenting hardly leaves parents with any energy to indulge in some meaningful stuff except mindless cinema viewing and mall hopping and numbing their senses with shopping, good food and good times.
- SCHOOLS PRIORITY ON VALUE – EDUCATION: schools are so busy doing un-conventional stuff like robotics, space- workshops, cubing, etc for the primary classes too that the poor old world subject of developing values in kids while they are still young, has literally no takers. If you are too keen on it and have energies left after your work and getting them weekly UT ready etc, it is humanly pretty challenging too.
Hence it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that it’s not the kids but the constant exposure of mixed influences that is playing foul. To top it all, their biological (both physical and hormonal)changes work against them like for example their circadian cycle changes such that it is to be blamed for sleeping late at night and taking their own sweet time to get up in the day, their white / grey matter (in the brain) that affects their talking and reasoning in a way that it sounds like arguing and irresponsible responses and so much more.
Despite it all, Parent’s role today has become very crucial and they need to be on a constantly learning, unlearning and evolving with times journey . They need to develop empathy, patience and discussion skills to emerge a winner with their parenting and kids that are sorted.