WHAT WE SAW AS A STORM WAS ACTUALLY THE WIND BENEATH OUR WINGS.
‘ We live by admiration, hope and love!’
I guess this one line by William Wordsworth is the essence of what happens when two diametrically opposite people meet, and are left with sheer love devoid of all selfishness.Despite all oddities, its the finest seasoning of joy to think of those we love.
I am a Bhardwaj Brahman from North India, married to Saraswat Brahman from Konkan South India! Wait…..hold that gasp of ‘shocko-surprise'(SHOCK+SURPRISE) of WHAT!right there. I guess now I don’t need to tell you how different the two of us can be by design 🙂 Chalk and cheese! Yes ….in ways more than one indeed.
So Are you wondering what drew us together amidst the stark differences that abound the huge North-south chasm? Yes, it actually exists. You can take my word on it. So, here you go to get the glimpse of my ‘Oh merde’ to ‘Viva La difference’ story of love, hope and admiration & exactly in same order.
OPPOSITES ATTRACT – A MYTH OR REALITY?
Reality of a relationship has many threads and my tiny tale tries to cover its many nuances without claiming to be exhaustive but enlightening for sure. I have come to believe that the power of opposites is able to play cupid in a relationship and keep it stable only when the core values, beliefs and attitudinal disposition are some where intersecting. On the face of it, we see big differences but it’s what lies beneath the surface- the similarity in values and identity & more, that is more attractive to the subconscious level of the seeker. To an onlooker its understandably ‘love’ or ‘love at first sight’ but I am pretty convinced, “Its only when these two people look at each other for years that it becomes a miracle!!
WE DRAW OUR POLARITIES FROM THE FILTERS THROUGH WHICH WE SEE THE WORLD !
While I jot down our polarities, I wish and hope, you get see the bigger picture of complementing in the whole melle of things for us as a couple.
- He is a BIG CHUNK & prefers to talk less while my SMALL CHUNK nature spills every possible bean in my life, his life ….(and now our life).
- He is so good dangling between being ASSOCIATED and DISSOCIATED with ease but my connecting with one and all with feelings(severe associative-ness of emotions) is my biggest undoing.
- He is one free soul who abhors too much stress on STRUCTURE and ‘CHOICE’ makes him breathe all the required fresh air into the life while my radicalism shows in preference towards ‘PROCEDURES’. No points in guessing how chalked out plans, shaped up schedules & all things fashioned before- hand have been potential armaments of a war in our relationship.
- He is one resident of ‘PAST’ who lives and breathes so much of our last holiday or the last good meal or good time together that the PRESENT or ‘Now’ has no charm for him comparatively. The most piteous fallout of his driving of our life by looking in the rear view mirror is the constant fear of a catastrophe for me. He practically will choose to compliment me for anything around my looks/ my dress up/my cooking only the next day or beyond but definitely not there in the moment when it happens. Simply because he operates so naturally from a place of past.
- His preference towards ‘KINESTHETIC MODE’ (please read TOUCH , TASTE OR SMELL) is so contradicting to my love for ‘VISUALS’- I want to see love in action by way of a warm hug, a peck in the cheek,a simple handhold ; or a thoughtfully wrapped gift and ‘AUDITORY’ – I want to hear those three magical words ‘I value you’, ‘You mean the world to me ‘or the usual “I love you’ :). He just wants to FEEL the warmth of love and often glows in it for long enough to dash my hopes to SEE or HEAR anything of what I seek. I can go on and on but I choose to stop here and save me more torture (pun intended).
Yet in 21 years of being together,despite being so different, we remain each others quick-sand. Our opposites have come to a point where we have accepted and adjusted our lives on the faith that its this polarity that is making our experiences of ourselves as a person and then as a couple, more whole and complete all because of each other!!!
And now allow me to go back to where I highlighted about’ Opposites attract is a myth’ and about what truly contributes the coming together of two different people is their core values, attitudes and beliefs around life & its frills. This thread of commonality has undoubtedly bonded us in this life & beyond with enough stimulation and passion !!!
FROM CHALK AND CHEESE TO COFFEE AND DOUGHNUT
Here’s a quick look at some core factors that kept us glued as a couple over the years more than the differences-
- We both are ‘Steady plodders’ who believe in the beauty of an effort and do not engage in things or with people or situations for mere ‘Adrenalin rush’;
- We both seek ‘adventure’ but not at expense of ‘security’ ;
- We believe no ‘affection’ is a wasted affection ;
- We trust our ‘karma’ can be our greatest boon or undoing and that we need to be consciously careful;
- We are both introverts (me being an ambivert / half introvert ) who see no problem in drawing our strength from within than the world outside;
- We are both ‘internally motivated’ to indulge in gratitude; charity and some more good & contribute to those who are less privileged or needy out of a sense of responsibility to the society;
- We believe there is no problem if the balancing point or the pivot of our relation ship is in ‘flux’. The problem will lie when the dynamism would be missing.
Practically, When we lose our way or our cool, we simply flap our wings like ducks to let go of extra undesirable emotional buildup , go different ways temporarily and come back stronger as love for us is “TWO MINDS WITH OUT ANY THOUGHT ……. but of going to our relationship to give more”.
All I need to say about being a couple is that we have been seeing through each other and are still enjoying the view.
If you do wish to be there too, just go on because virtue proceeds all efforts and mind it ‘there is no ceiling on efforts’
As a couple we have made peace with our differences, accepted them & our hearts beat for a collective consciousness of allowing each other the freedom of being the way we are wired. ultimately this unconditional Being there for each other at all times is a true blessing and LOVE for us 🙂
Dedicating this Poetic expression as my tribute to our ecstatic companionship that presumably started off as a storm but ended up being the wind beneath our wings.
” Blessings are beautiful butterflies,
Dancing right through the skies !
Blessing look like our kids,duties and lives;
Shining like glow -flies in the night sky !
Blessings are how you complete me;
and cockle my heart with glee !!!!!”
This blog post is part of #Vdayblogtrain hosted by Vartika Mehrotra (www.vartikasdiary.com) and Prerna Wahi ( www.prernawahi.com) Twitter –https://twitter.com/kalpa_mani FB: https://www.facebook.com/shilp.sa
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I hope I could help you see how we can turn tables around loads of what seems to be undesirable initially but can be life changing indeed. If you liked what and how I write , Please do SUBSCRIBE to my blog and if you have been there too experiencing the beauty in a relationship , stay blessed !