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WHAT WE SAW AS A STORM WAS ACTUALLY THE WIND BENEATH OUR WINGS.

Praggatti Rao February 26, 2019
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We live by admiration, hope and love!’

I guess this one line by William Wordsworth is the essence of what happens when two diametrically opposite people meet, and are left with sheer love devoid of all selfishness.Despite all oddities, its the finest seasoning of joy to think of those we love.

I am a Bhardwaj Brahman from North India, married to Saraswat Brahman from Konkan South India! Wait…..hold that gasp of ‘shocko-surprise'(SHOCK+SURPRISE) of WHAT!right there. I guess now I don’t need to tell you how different the two of us can be by design 🙂 Chalk and cheese! Yes ….in ways more than one indeed.

So Are you wondering what drew us together amidst the stark differences that abound the huge North-south chasm? Yes, it actually exists. You can take my word on it. So, here you go to get the glimpse of my ‘Oh merde’ to ‘Viva La difference’ story of love, hope and admiration & exactly in same order.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT – A MYTH OR REALITY? 

OPPOSITES ATTRACT- A MYTH OR REALITY?

Reality of a relationship has many threads and my tiny tale tries to cover its many nuances without claiming to be exhaustive but enlightening for sure. I have come to believe that the power of opposites is able to play cupid in a relationship and keep it stable only when the core values, beliefs and attitudinal disposition are some where intersecting. On the face of it, we see big differences but it’s what lies beneath the surface- the similarity in values and identity & more, that is more attractive to the subconscious level of the seeker. To an onlooker its understandably ‘love’ or ‘love at first sight’ but I am pretty convinced, “Its only when these two people look at each other for years that it becomes a miracle!!

WE DRAW OUR POLARITIES FROM THE FILTERS THROUGH WHICH WE SEE THE WORLD !

While I jot down our polarities, I wish and hope, you get see the bigger picture of complementing in the whole melle of things for us as a couple.

  1. He is a BIG CHUNK & prefers to talk less while my SMALL CHUNK nature spills every possible bean in my life, his life ….(and now our life).
  2. He is so good dangling between being ASSOCIATED and DISSOCIATED with ease but my connecting with one and all with feelings(severe associative-ness of emotions) is my biggest undoing.
  3. He is one free soul who abhors too much stress on STRUCTURE and ‘CHOICE’ makes him breathe all the required fresh air into the life while my radicalism shows in preference towards ‘PROCEDURES’. No points in guessing how chalked out plans, shaped up schedules & all things fashioned before- hand have been potential armaments of a war in our relationship.
  4. He is one resident of ‘PAST’ who lives and breathes so much of our last holiday or the last good meal or good time together that the PRESENT or ‘Now’ has no charm for him comparatively. The most piteous fallout of his driving of our life by looking in the rear view mirror is the constant fear of a catastrophe for me. He practically will choose to compliment me for anything around my looks/ my dress up/my cooking only the next day or beyond but definitely not there in the moment when it happens. Simply because he operates so naturally from a place of past.
  5. His preference towards ‘KINESTHETIC MODE’ (please read TOUCH , TASTE OR SMELL) is so contradicting to my love for ‘VISUALS’- I want to see love in action by way of a warm hug, a peck in the cheek,a simple handhold ; or a thoughtfully wrapped gift and ‘AUDITORY’ – I want to hear those three magical words ‘I value you’, ‘You mean the world to me ‘or the usual “I love you’ :). He just wants to FEEL the warmth of love and often glows in it for long enough to dash my hopes to SEE or HEAR anything of what I seek. I can go on and on but I choose to stop here and save me more torture (pun intended).

Yet in 21 years of being together,despite being so different, we remain each others quick-sand. Our opposites have come to a point where we have accepted and adjusted our lives on the faith that its this polarity that is making our experiences of ourselves as a person and then as a couple, more whole and complete all because of each other!!!

And now allow me to go back to where I highlighted about’ Opposites attract is a myth’ and about what truly contributes the coming together of two different people is their core values, attitudes and beliefs around life & its frills. This thread of commonality has undoubtedly bonded us in this life & beyond with enough stimulation and passion !!!

               FROM CHALK AND CHEESE TO COFFEE AND DOUGHNUT

Here’s a quick look at some core factors that kept us glued as a couple over the years more than the differences-

  • We both are ‘Steady plodders’ who believe in the beauty of an effort and do not engage in things or with people or situations for mere ‘Adrenalin rush’;
  • We both seek ‘adventure’ but not at expense of ‘security’ ;
  • We believe no ‘affection’ is a wasted affection ;
  • We trust our ‘karma’ can be our greatest boon or undoing and that we need to be consciously careful;
  • We are both introverts (me being an ambivert / half introvert ) who see no problem in drawing our strength from within than the world outside;
  • We are both ‘internally motivated’ to indulge in gratitude; charity and some more good & contribute to those who are less privileged or needy out of a sense of responsibility to the society;
  • We believe there is no problem if the balancing point or the pivot of our relation ship is in ‘flux’. The problem will lie when the dynamism would be missing.

Practically, When we lose our way or our cool, we simply flap our wings like ducks to let go of extra undesirable emotional buildup , go different ways temporarily and come back stronger as love for us is “TWO MINDS WITH OUT ANY THOUGHT ……. but of going to our relationship to give more”.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT

All I need to say about being a couple is that we have been seeing through each other and are still enjoying the view.

If you do wish to be there too, just go on because virtue proceeds all efforts and mind it ‘there is no ceiling on efforts’

As a couple we have made peace with our differences, accepted them & our hearts beat for a collective consciousness of allowing each other the freedom of being the way we are wired. ultimately this unconditional Being there for each other at all times is a true blessing and LOVE for us 🙂

Dedicating this Poetic expression as my tribute to our ecstatic companionship that presumably started off as a storm but ended up being the wind beneath our wings.

” Blessings are beautiful butterflies,

Dancing right through the skies !

Blessing look like our kids,duties and lives;

Shining like glow -flies in the night sky !

Blessings are how you complete me;

and cockle my heart with glee !!!!!”

This blog post is part of #Vdayblogtrain hosted by Vartika Mehrotra (www.vartikasdiary.com) and Prerna Wahi ( www.prernawahi.com) Twitter –https://twitter.com/kalpa_mani FB: https://www.facebook.com/shilp.sa

Twitter – https://twitter.com/Bloggingeasier

I hope I could help you see how we can turn tables around loads of what seems to be undesirable initially but can be life changing indeed. If you liked what and how I write , Please do SUBSCRIBE to my blog and if you have been there too experiencing the beauty in a relationship , stay blessed !

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78 Comments

  1. Ghunjain February 26, 2019

    It’s really a amazing love story and ending with poem is good indeed… Lovely written yes i agree that Opposites attract is a myth’

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 26, 2019

      Thanks for liking it and seeing that there’s more to opposites that attracts rather than just the differences:)
      Delighted to hear from you Ghun Jain . Thanq

  2. Shivani February 26, 2019

    Sounded quite a bit like mine. The first four points especially. Beautifully written and by now I have become quite familiar with your style. Super slick

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 26, 2019

      Thanks Shivani!
      I am such a big fan of how you do it so consistently, so coming from you is rewarding. Good to know I am on a similar plane as yours even if it’s just four points:)

  3. Alpana Deo February 26, 2019

    Wow…such an heartfelt post. 21 years Praggatti…wow.. there is a lot that I can learn from you. We are at number 12. From these 12 years, what I have learnt is beauty of any relationship especially marriage is when we accept each other qualities and weaknesses, becomes each other’s strength, giving space and ande the whole picture as “Us” and not just “you” & “me”. #vdayblogtrain

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 26, 2019

      Hey Alpana, yes 21 years is a big time to get sorted and because I have consciously lived, I feel what you said about ‘US’ is a big learning in 12 years:)
      Thanks for the lovely feedback

  4. Ritwika February 26, 2019

    Praggati that was really lovely and inspiring. The “adjustments” don’t really seem like adjustments when there is love, respect, and compatibility. Had a lovely time reading it.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 26, 2019

      Thanks a lot Ritwika for the lovely feedback:)
      Coming from you is big

  5. Pragnya Mishra February 26, 2019

    Words sharing the experience of 21 years is gold. Especially when it came out from NLP leader, the emotions were expressed beautifully, the adjustments, respect, and bonding, wow! I enjoyed reading it. When people are so different yet bond so strong.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 26, 2019

      Loved your kind appreciation Pragnya:)
      Humbled and glad that you loved this honest yet heart felt attempt at my first write up of this genre:)

  6. Deepika Pillai February 26, 2019

    What a SWEET post Praggatti… and wow 21 years! You guys don’t look a day older than 29 yourselves ? jokes apart. Loved the way you’ve penned down your thoughts. It feels pure and emotional. for a happy marriage, it all about US and not just I and you.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 26, 2019

      Haha Deepika! I could have spent some more years in glee with that awesome compliment!!
      That saner look is all because of what we survived in 21 years
      Thanks for the love

  7. Vani Kulkarni February 26, 2019

    21 years speaks it all 🙂 adjustments is just a word to sustain a relationship that is full of love trust and respect. If these three words make their place in a marriage then life set hai..loved your writing skills…u are very good with picking apt words. Lots to learn from u.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 26, 2019

      Thanks for the love and encouragement Vani:)
      Love for words and catchy phrases is what I breathe and I guess pick up the apt ones comes from there.
      Learning is mutual and indeed rewarding. Happy to be of some value

  8. Pallavi February 26, 2019

    Loved your writing style..n the way you have explained your life with your husband,concluding your story with a poem.. i felt something different ,nice selection of words.
    21 blissful yrs of marriage , a lovely couple.. .My best wishes to you❤️

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 27, 2019

      thanks!That’s a lot of love and blessings Pallavi:) Humbled and so glad you loved what you read!

  9. Esha Chakraborty February 26, 2019

    Wonderfully written and love the title specially…. The poem in the end is the cherry on the icing…

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 27, 2019

      Thanks for that generous dollop of appreciation on your feedback Esha:)

  10. Mayuri Nidigallu February 27, 2019

    Love how you’ve penned down the points and finer points of your 21 years together. Very inspiring. Wishing you both wonderful times and memories together.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 27, 2019

      Thanks Mayuri for such an encouraging feedback:) glad you loved reading it

  11. ujjwal mishra February 27, 2019

    21yrs wow… wish you many more happy years together. The way you have put across things is too good, so much to adopt and learn. Special mention to the poem and the pics of your to together.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 27, 2019

      Hey Ujjwal
      Thanks for so much of specific and warm feedback
      Humbled?

  12. vidhya thakkar February 27, 2019

    hehe a wonderful post!! i am in similar situation too! I am a social media freakk and he is a sober! but opposites do attraact

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 27, 2019

      Thanks Vidhya Thakkar
      So glad you liked it:)

  13. sonali February 27, 2019

    Heehee… so much relatable with us… I am a chatterbox and he seems to pay for even opening his mouth???… but that’s the chemistry of this physics?.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 27, 2019

      Glad to hear the way most of these husbands are wired. Glad you liked and commented thanks

  14. Aakriti February 27, 2019

    There’s a reason why opposites attract and why they decide to stick around.. He surely is the cup to your saucer and bread to your butter. Such effortless piece of writing.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 27, 2019

      Thanks for the lovely words Aakriti
      So happy you liked it

  15. Priyam February 27, 2019

    Lovely write up. So you are the perfect example of the movie 2 states!
    I also your pictures in the blog.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 27, 2019

      Thanks a lot Priyam
      Yes 🙂 two states … true that

  16. Maneet Gulati February 27, 2019

    Yes, opposites attract,but what keeps the relationship going are the non evident similarities in core values and beliefs. I loved how you have integrated both these concepts. 21 years is a pretty long time to appreciate and respect each other’s choices and preferences, however different they may be. Lovely blog.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      Thanks for agreeing to my viewpoint of how core values can be the glue. Yes as I said it’s only when two people look at each other for long that it becomes miracles and blessings

  17. Mahati ramya adivishnu February 28, 2019

    I agree with you when you say even though opposites attract the relationship is strong when both individuals in a relationship believe in same core values.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      Thanks Mahati
      Great you can see it’s the core values that attract than the mere differences

  18. Roopali kadam February 28, 2019

    you have penned down 21 years of togetherness in an awesome manner. I Could relate with you at many points and got to learn a few new points as well.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      Thank you Roopali
      Glad u liked it

  19. Shalini February 28, 2019

    You have depicted the polarities of your relationship yet when it comes diwn to it, your core value and beliefs are the same and that is the most important ingredient for a sucessful marriage! Brilliantly penned!

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      That’s so true Shalini
      Thanks for the lovely feedback

  20. anupriya February 28, 2019

    21 years , my god! I feel I will not remember anything about love in 21 years (yes parenting is that exhausting at this moment in our lives) But your story gives me hope.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      Hey Anupriya
      21 years the line it ll be a part of you that just will need to be felt not remembered. Stay hopeful and stay blessed

  21. MeenalSonal February 28, 2019

    Praggatti, I liked the way you made an entire list with a pinch of humour in it and poetic lines were liked extra cheese toppings on PIzza.

    Cheers
    MeenalSonal

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      Thanks Meenal for that discerning eye for humour and that eye for poetry appreciation.. first of mine , glad u liked it
      A big hug

  22. Noor Anand Chawla February 28, 2019

    Wow 21 years of being together- may you continue to be blessed!
    #VDayBlogTrain

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      Thanks Noor Anand Chawla for seeing those dollops of humour:)
      It’s my first attempt at poetry and hopefully it came out well

  23. Snehal February 28, 2019

    Lovely post..and a very good write up..loved the depth of thoughts and words that you have chosen..keep it up…

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      Thanks for seeing so much of good in there:) thanks for all the appreciation Snehal

  24. Anshu Bhojnagarwala February 28, 2019

    Such a beautiful post, Praggatti! You have written how you are different, but you have also said about the things that work in your favour. That’s the best kind of relationship, isn’t it? Sameness is boring, difference brings some mirch and masala in the life. Enjoy your polarities and stay blessed!

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao February 28, 2019

      Thanks for sharing the lovely feedback and the intentional mirch masala put there intentionally
      Great that you could see my unique sense and still liked it
      Hugs Anshu

  25. Varsh February 28, 2019

    I enjoyed reading about your differences but what I liked more is the points that’ve made your marriage work even when you’re opposites. Wish you both lots of love (in present and future, more than past ;-)) and a wonderful life together!

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thanks a lot varsh for those lively words ! Thanks for reading and commenting here

  26. Vartika Gakhar February 28, 2019

    What to say about you and your writing style, Praggatti. There is a lot to learn from you. 21 years is indeed a milestone and a long time to understand each other, enjoy the similarities and embrace the differences. Loved how you have described your relationship. What I have learned in 10 years of my marriage is that it is about “Thora tum chalo, thora hum chalein” Beautiful post and lovely poem.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Hey Vartika
      Being a cons or tips s own e student my writing is more on the impeccably organised side but I guess its too laye to change now. I am happy you could connect, like and what a lovely way to meet half way with your spouse or any other relationships
      Thanks for the blog train and for all the love:)
      My best wishes to your relationship! Cheers

  27. Surbhi Prapanna February 28, 2019

    Wow 21 years of togetherness…and this experience shows in your post too. and I could co-relate with it so well. and I agree a good relationship is not only about finding similarity or differences, but it is also more about trusting each other and complementing too. excellent write up. 3Vdayblogtrain

    Reply
  28. Jameela February 28, 2019

    21 years?? I fall no wre, its just 4 years of married life,gotta learn so much from Ur relationship.. Feel like making u my relationship counsellor ? Ur write up is just amazing, wat a lovely usage if words… Thoroughly loved reading it n a poem in d end made it all worth jt.. loves to u?

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thanks a lot Jameela for all the lovely words ! It ll be a pleasure to be your relationship coach:)
      Wish you all the love and luck too

  29. Disha February 28, 2019

    Heartfelt post. Congratulation on completing 21 years. And, through all differences we tend to grow with each other. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thank you disha for the wishes and for liking it

  30. Shraddha Niphadkar March 1, 2019

    You are absolutely right when you say that ‘opposites attract is a myth.’ If the underlying core values aren’t the same, the relationship won’t last. It was heartwarming to read about the strong relationship that you and your husband share. This will definitely be a good read for your kids as well, as they navigate their own relationships. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thanks for sharing and seeing the point of convergence Shraddha

  31. Silja Nair March 1, 2019

    Its a lovely inspiring story. Enjoyed reading it. Congratulation on completing 21 years of togetherness

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thanks Vijaylakshmi:)

  32. Kapila Rattan Bhowmik March 1, 2019

    You guys are definitely goals for me. We are together as a married couple for 9 years and a little over 12 years as lovers. He is in many ways just opposite of me.. the bond between us grew stronger each day because we did not want to change each other.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thanks for all the lovely heart felt Feedback dear

  33. Maya Bhat March 1, 2019

    Many instances among these were much relatable to me. We are also a kind of introverts or say half introverts having nothing against people though. It is just to avoid unnecessary chaos in life. Also internally motivated souls.

    Reply
  34. Priyal March 1, 2019

    21 years this really quite long, I am sure you are definitely enjoying the bonding and this beautiful relationship.. Well can easily find out with your post :-))))))

    Reply
  35. Praggatti rao March 1, 2019

    Glad to know a few points of convergence Maya
    Thanks

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thanks for saying that you could feel that connect in the post:)

  36. Prerna wahi March 1, 2019

    I loved your write up Pragati. Very well worded and touching. Enjoyed your personal pics and cute poem. You can attempt a full poem soon! Also, on a side note, 21 years! You don’t look that old at all – what’s your beauty secret!

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thanks a lot Prerna:) so happy that the effort fitted the bill and the expectations. Honestly, it’s our genes and “do good” philosophy that takes care of it all!!!
      ..even I was a little amazed to see yeh 21 years kab ho gaye!!

  37. Aishwarya Sandeep March 1, 2019

    I guess appreicuating your differences is the secret of your 21 years of togetherness… The younger lot should really look up to you…

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 1, 2019

      Thanks a lot Aishwarya for the lovely a feedback

  38. Anagha Yatin March 1, 2019

    Agreeing to disagree is the basic mantra for accepting each other in life and you have aced it in your long standing blissful matrimony of 21 years!
    Loved your analysis of long standing relationship, clarity of thought and most important to live ‘the life of love’ attitude!

    Reply
  39. MISHA JAIN March 1, 2019

    beautifully written and well-articulated yaa.. stayed glued till the last lines.. I agree opposites do keep relation exciting

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 2, 2019

      Thanks for sharing your beautiful feedback:)

  40. Ila Varma March 1, 2019

    close to two states movie…differences glued you together…stay blessed…pure n honest post

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 2, 2019

      Thanks Ila for that lovely feedback means a lot:)

  41. Princy Khurana March 3, 2019

    21 years !! wow, we are at 11 years and your marriage is something I would look at for more inspiration. congrats and wishing you guys many more.

    Reply
    1. Praggatti Rao March 4, 2019

      Thanks a lot Prince Khurana for the lovely wishes and kind feedback:)
      Wishing you great years ahead too

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